A big obstacle to self-expression is the fear of being rejected or opposed. Great People are taken to their graves today with music, song, art, for the fear 0f being rejected. Whereas, Bo Bennett said that "A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success".
Lost opportunities, an improvement/betterment to life - all diminished or disappeared because of this unreasonable fear. This fear of rejection, at best, can be annoying. At worst, it can have devastating results on the individual in question. The fear goes a long way in creating another reality for him/her and the results, depending on how it was handled by the individual.
The ability to even learn how to handle this fear of rejection successfully, you must at least first, understand it and its nature. Fear of rejection is like a phobia, an excessive, irrational fear of something that is actually meaningless or not in existence. This fear is an inflated dread of a menace that doesn't exist. Nothing more, nothing less.
The worst tangible effect of rejection is to your ego or self esteem, it gets a bit dented. A dented ego hasn't yet created any life-threatening scenario. But, someone in a paroxysm of fear of rejection will not be able to see that. Like any other fear, the fear of rejection serves as the stimulus, to which the reaction is exaggerated and would trigger the "fight or flight response."
A person with a fear has his/her own reality. A mild threat would be discerned as a major catastrophe that would have overwhelming or deadly response is of such unbalanced proportions.
Purging that fear of rejection calls for a process in relation to desensitization. All possible effects of rejection must be rightly examined and analyzed. You could ask yourself, "what will happen to me if someone expresses, verbally or in action, disapproval, resentment, criticism or rejection?"
When we have our bearings on straight, we will realize that the worst consequence to a rejection is merely a bruised ego. And even that can only happen when we allow such rejection, action, reaction, disapproval, resentment or criticism to affect our ego or self esteem. Words alone are powerless, cannot hurt us, unless and until we allow them to.
The deeper we look into the tangible effects of rejection, the more we get to comprehend its minimal significance, or non-significance. Someone disagrees with us, or doesn't like us, there's nothing extra ordinary or special to it. Everyone has a right to his opinion, either to agree or disagree. so, what's the case with disagreement?
No one goes through life without coming across a relative number of people who will disagree, show needless resentment and express some form of rejection. That's a package deal in life. Winners, leaders, champions, they all know and understand that that's a very paltry exchange for living a life they enjoy.
As of time immemorial, rejection meant exclusion from the clan and its support and resources. The rejected persons have to carter for themselves.Rejection then is a different thing from what we are discussing now. Rejection could mean saying NO or disagreement to a particular opinion. A nobody is not worth any attention, much more criticism or rejection. A rising star, on the other hand, gets the attention, and with it, some opposition and/or rejection.
Of course, we don't like to be criticized or rejected. But, dissenting opinions or actions have to be taken in the right context. An opinion distinct from yours doesn't affect you or your value. It takes a great man/woman to be compassionate, forgiving and tolerant. Not everyone gets to that level of humanity. But you can
do it just believe. Don't let anyone else rain on your parade, it's not worth your time and effort. Go on give it a try, if it works , fine and if it doesn't work fantastic!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
>>Building Trust In Your Relationship.
Relationship without trust is going to crash now or later.There's no circumstance in any given relationship that can make one happy without feeling they could trust their partner.There are ways to ensure that there is this trust in a relationship. Don't always waste your trying to spice things up, instead of building trust in your partner as this will fail it will only take time. The responsibility of moving the relationship to a higher level is on both of you.
Predictability may sound boring, but not if it is predictability in caring, in being there when needed, in taking your responsibility, always being a shoulder to cry on when necessary and so on. Surprises are great when it's something like a surprise day out, a visit to a new restaurant, a thoughtful gift. Your partner needs to feel that whatever happens, you will be there for them.
Don't just pay lip service to being honest, be honest indeed. If there is something bothering you, let it out, don't brood on it and turn a molehill into a mountain. Discuss it with your partner, don't leave them feeling that you are shutting them out, work hard to build trust in your relationship. Don't give rooms for suspense, clear any suspense by asking matured and reasonable questions.
Always give your partner credit and commendations when necessary. If you are not happy with whatever they do, try to approach this sensitively, don't just jump in with both feet and try to be diplomatic instead of just downright critical. Your approach to any action that you deem unacceptable should be with utmost care to avoid misconception.
Don't keep things to yourself. Secrets, especially if they concern your marriage or relationship have a habit of coming into the open and it's much better if you are the one to bring them out. If your partner finds something out that you have been keeping secret it will not build trust in your relationship. It's quite hard work keeping secrets, than making someone happy, put that sort of energy into keeping your partner happy.
It's not a crime to let your partner know what you need from them. Often you have to spell things out, your partner will not necessarily know what you are thinking, no one is a perfect mind reader, even if you think you know each other inside out, you may may as well be wrong. It's all about give and take.
There is no harm in saying no now and whenever it is necessary. Perhaps your partner requests something of you that you cannot agree with. Don't just roll over and give in, this will actually make your partner have respect for you as a person, nobody wants a doormat for a partner.
Always keep looking ahead, relationships do much better if they are not static. Don't get in a rut when you have everything to enjoy, it depends on the choice you made, try to make sure you have things to look forward to. Plan for your future together. Don't let boredom creep in because this is where problems might start. Boredom is a killer to relationships. Both of you are alive express your lives.
When working on ways to build trust in a relationship, sometimes you may encounter problems. People are not angels, everyone has a slightly darker side, and may not always do things that are expected of them. Be prepared to accept some features of your partner that you wish were different. Nobody is perfect so never enter a relationship thinking or hoping that your partner is perfect, you are in for a rocky ride if you think so. Take people for what they are, treasure their good points and try to come to terms with things that are not exactly as you would wish. Don't forget, they are having to do the same with regard to yourself.
"Get your relationship back on track and enjoy your company"
Predictability may sound boring, but not if it is predictability in caring, in being there when needed, in taking your responsibility, always being a shoulder to cry on when necessary and so on. Surprises are great when it's something like a surprise day out, a visit to a new restaurant, a thoughtful gift. Your partner needs to feel that whatever happens, you will be there for them.
Don't just pay lip service to being honest, be honest indeed. If there is something bothering you, let it out, don't brood on it and turn a molehill into a mountain. Discuss it with your partner, don't leave them feeling that you are shutting them out, work hard to build trust in your relationship. Don't give rooms for suspense, clear any suspense by asking matured and reasonable questions.
Always give your partner credit and commendations when necessary. If you are not happy with whatever they do, try to approach this sensitively, don't just jump in with both feet and try to be diplomatic instead of just downright critical. Your approach to any action that you deem unacceptable should be with utmost care to avoid misconception.
Don't keep things to yourself. Secrets, especially if they concern your marriage or relationship have a habit of coming into the open and it's much better if you are the one to bring them out. If your partner finds something out that you have been keeping secret it will not build trust in your relationship. It's quite hard work keeping secrets, than making someone happy, put that sort of energy into keeping your partner happy.
It's not a crime to let your partner know what you need from them. Often you have to spell things out, your partner will not necessarily know what you are thinking, no one is a perfect mind reader, even if you think you know each other inside out, you may may as well be wrong. It's all about give and take.
There is no harm in saying no now and whenever it is necessary. Perhaps your partner requests something of you that you cannot agree with. Don't just roll over and give in, this will actually make your partner have respect for you as a person, nobody wants a doormat for a partner.
Always keep looking ahead, relationships do much better if they are not static. Don't get in a rut when you have everything to enjoy, it depends on the choice you made, try to make sure you have things to look forward to. Plan for your future together. Don't let boredom creep in because this is where problems might start. Boredom is a killer to relationships. Both of you are alive express your lives.
When working on ways to build trust in a relationship, sometimes you may encounter problems. People are not angels, everyone has a slightly darker side, and may not always do things that are expected of them. Be prepared to accept some features of your partner that you wish were different. Nobody is perfect so never enter a relationship thinking or hoping that your partner is perfect, you are in for a rocky ride if you think so. Take people for what they are, treasure their good points and try to come to terms with things that are not exactly as you would wish. Don't forget, they are having to do the same with regard to yourself.
"Get your relationship back on track and enjoy your company"
Monday, September 7, 2009
>>Attract A Lady Of Your Choice.
Attracting the attention of that beautiful, pretty or lovely lady for marriage is the wish of every Young man. But it is only few can do just this without much problem. Everybody admires and wishes good things, but only few people get their wishes. Have you ever taking time to ask yourself why don’t I get what I wish? Then believe me you don’t get what you want because you don’t do what you are expected to do, simple. Then follow these tips and believe in yourself, because you can’t change yourself and that beautiful girl you’ve being dreaming of is yours.
1- Look Neat, Cute And Smart: Always dress neat and look cute in your outfit. Your clothing, hair, teeth, in fact every part of your body should get attention it requires frequently. You can’t attract the attention of your fellow man when you look tattered, dressed in unusual way or look unkempt. Neatness is next to Godliness, neatness also guarantees respect.
2- Treat People Around You With Utmost Respect: Be careful when dealing with people you come across on daily basis, since you don’t know who may be observing you. This is because a lady’s first impression about you may be bad and you can find it very difficult to convince such a lady to believe in you. Ladies love someone that is soft, caring and sympathetic. Ladies are weaker than men, so they need somebody that is soft, not somebody that will flay up upon little provocation. No lady will like to marry a man that will be giving her the beating of her life.
3- Be Caring, Loving And Humorous: Love the lady in question, never cease telling her how much you love her. Of course you have to also show her you love her and one of the best ways to love is by giving. You should also be caring, let her know that her happiness is your concern. Take her out for shopping, to the parks, cinema, live shows and other numerous places to have fun together. Show much interest in affairs that she is involved, in a way to make her feel better and safe whenever she is with you. Lastly, be a funny, crack joke that is matured not just dry jokes.
4- Share Your Future With Her: Let her know what your plans for tomorrow are like; get her involved, if you can. This will help in given her that sense that she truly belongs to you. You should also know that ladies are synonymous with doubt, by making her part of the plans; she will not doubt you much.
5- Be Good To Her Friends In The Way You Can: Carry some of her friends that believe in you along. Crack jokes and visit them together, but never let them know how far you have gone with the lady; unless if both of you or you are sure that no third party can harm your relationship. Her friends should not know about your future, handle it with utmost secrecy.
6- Don’t Keep Double Relationship At This Time: You don’t need any game, flirting or any of the like things, as you can call it. All you need is concentration on what you need from the lady and never allow your mouth to keep shut, keep telling her what you want. No amount of times you will tell her what you need from her that is too much. You should not even let her know about your past affairs, as that can do you more harm than good.
7- Make Her Your Closest Friend At This Time: This will help you in numerous ways; it will help you know how she responds to your advances. It will again help you keep watch on her, to know if she loves someone else. It will also let her know that you are serious and that you also care about her. It will also help both of you to know each other very well.
8- Never Even Talk About Sex, Until You’ve Known Her Opinion: Your discussions about sex and or romance should be with high degree of care, until you have known her view about it. It will do you more harm than good if she gets bored talking of sex and you have great passion about it. Don’t also persuade her into sex with you, get her for yourself first and every other thing shall be added unto you.
1- Look Neat, Cute And Smart: Always dress neat and look cute in your outfit. Your clothing, hair, teeth, in fact every part of your body should get attention it requires frequently. You can’t attract the attention of your fellow man when you look tattered, dressed in unusual way or look unkempt. Neatness is next to Godliness, neatness also guarantees respect.
2- Treat People Around You With Utmost Respect: Be careful when dealing with people you come across on daily basis, since you don’t know who may be observing you. This is because a lady’s first impression about you may be bad and you can find it very difficult to convince such a lady to believe in you. Ladies love someone that is soft, caring and sympathetic. Ladies are weaker than men, so they need somebody that is soft, not somebody that will flay up upon little provocation. No lady will like to marry a man that will be giving her the beating of her life.
3- Be Caring, Loving And Humorous: Love the lady in question, never cease telling her how much you love her. Of course you have to also show her you love her and one of the best ways to love is by giving. You should also be caring, let her know that her happiness is your concern. Take her out for shopping, to the parks, cinema, live shows and other numerous places to have fun together. Show much interest in affairs that she is involved, in a way to make her feel better and safe whenever she is with you. Lastly, be a funny, crack joke that is matured not just dry jokes.
4- Share Your Future With Her: Let her know what your plans for tomorrow are like; get her involved, if you can. This will help in given her that sense that she truly belongs to you. You should also know that ladies are synonymous with doubt, by making her part of the plans; she will not doubt you much.
5- Be Good To Her Friends In The Way You Can: Carry some of her friends that believe in you along. Crack jokes and visit them together, but never let them know how far you have gone with the lady; unless if both of you or you are sure that no third party can harm your relationship. Her friends should not know about your future, handle it with utmost secrecy.
6- Don’t Keep Double Relationship At This Time: You don’t need any game, flirting or any of the like things, as you can call it. All you need is concentration on what you need from the lady and never allow your mouth to keep shut, keep telling her what you want. No amount of times you will tell her what you need from her that is too much. You should not even let her know about your past affairs, as that can do you more harm than good.
7- Make Her Your Closest Friend At This Time: This will help you in numerous ways; it will help you know how she responds to your advances. It will again help you keep watch on her, to know if she loves someone else. It will also let her know that you are serious and that you also care about her. It will also help both of you to know each other very well.
8- Never Even Talk About Sex, Until You’ve Known Her Opinion: Your discussions about sex and or romance should be with high degree of care, until you have known her view about it. It will do you more harm than good if she gets bored talking of sex and you have great passion about it. Don’t also persuade her into sex with you, get her for yourself first and every other thing shall be added unto you.
>>Fast Marriage Tips For Ladies.
The tips revealed are like rules governing the game of marriage. You must play according to the rules to achieve the desired aim. Marriage has been in existence as old as the earth itself. Because marriage is highly competitive it has to be planned with utmost care. ‘‘Another man’s food is another man’s poison’’ is widely acceptable, but the question now is why are beautiful, pretty and intelligent ladies left unmarried for the rest of their life? This calls for sober reflection. These tips are no magic, though as long as you believe and work in accordance with these tips; it will unchain you from the shackles of husbandlessness. These tips are for ladies who are determined to have a husband, either now or in the near future. The tips are as follows:
1- Look Neat And Good Always: How neat are you? As a lady neatness should be your watchword. It costs nothing to be neat. Your hair, clothes (both the top and the under ones), teeth and nails for instance, should be properly and frequently taken care of. It is not attracting to behold a lady with unkempt hair, clothes, or nails. No right thinking man will even associate himself with such a lady, talk not of asking her if she is searching for whom to marry or who to marry her? Use ladies’ deodorant (to take care of you armpit), perfume or body spray of your choice if you can afford it. Look neat, smell good and believe me you are halfway done-it creates first impression.
2- Smile Always: How often do you smile? Smiling is good, it’s attracting, it’s inviting. Actually, smiling is good for your health and prolongs your life. It will not cost you anything to smile. When you don’t smile as a lady, it makes you unapproachable. A young man may want to know you but finds it difficult to talk to you the moment he looks at your face. You can brighten up someone’s face with just a smile. Look, do you know how a lady looks when she smiles, she looks totally innocent; men will attest to this.
3- Be Kindhearted At least To An Extent: Ask yourself this question; are my kindhearted to my neighbors, mates at school, colleagues at workplace and to people in general? As a lady being kind to your fellow humans will also guarantee how quick you will get a suitor. This implies that no man will engage in life lasting relationship with a lady, if he sees her treat others in a way that is not kind or he found out that she derives joy from treating people unkindly. Men generally love ladies that is cool, easy going and soft, to spend quality time with after the hustling and bustling of the day.
4- Let There Be Limit In Your Relationship: I mean in courtship, (ladies) it should not be much of romantic. Emphasis should not be much on sex, because sex is worth waiting for the right time. If a wife serves her husband dinner in the morning, I wonder what she will serve him when the time for dinner eventually comes. Ladies, your body is all you’ve got and so should be guarded with every strength and wisdom you have.
5- Don’t Be Much Religious, Denominational, Sentimental Or Racial: The more of the a fore mentioned you are, as a lady the more the limitations you expose yourself to
How could you as a lady reject a man just because he is not of the same religion,
denomination or race with you? After rejecting your suitors, due to some flimsy
excuses you will still complain, that your Mr. right is not forth coming.If you can't change the situation, change yourself, I mean your mindset. This life is short
to wait too long, think about it.
6- When Mr. Right Is Not Forth Coming, Go For Mr. Potential: There’s nothing
like already made husband, you have a role to play in his life which no lady can
do competitively with you. That Young man is incomplete without you, everything
is not well with him. His problem is that there’s no single (you) in him. Go with him, he has all it takes, the most beautiful city or the strongest economy was
not built in a day. The earlier the better and to delay like the saying goes is dangerous.
7- Never Compare Your Friend's Wedding Ceremony Or Husband with Yours:D0 not compare you suitor with any of your friends husband or expect your wedding to be graced by high dignitaries, when you know that your parents not even any of your relations is a congressman.tell yourself a simple truth, do you want to get married or are you fantasizing what is not obtainable? the time to stop is now. I don't say you should not aim high, but be time conscious.
1- Look Neat And Good Always: How neat are you? As a lady neatness should be your watchword. It costs nothing to be neat. Your hair, clothes (both the top and the under ones), teeth and nails for instance, should be properly and frequently taken care of. It is not attracting to behold a lady with unkempt hair, clothes, or nails. No right thinking man will even associate himself with such a lady, talk not of asking her if she is searching for whom to marry or who to marry her? Use ladies’ deodorant (to take care of you armpit), perfume or body spray of your choice if you can afford it. Look neat, smell good and believe me you are halfway done-it creates first impression.
2- Smile Always: How often do you smile? Smiling is good, it’s attracting, it’s inviting. Actually, smiling is good for your health and prolongs your life. It will not cost you anything to smile. When you don’t smile as a lady, it makes you unapproachable. A young man may want to know you but finds it difficult to talk to you the moment he looks at your face. You can brighten up someone’s face with just a smile. Look, do you know how a lady looks when she smiles, she looks totally innocent; men will attest to this.
3- Be Kindhearted At least To An Extent: Ask yourself this question; are my kindhearted to my neighbors, mates at school, colleagues at workplace and to people in general? As a lady being kind to your fellow humans will also guarantee how quick you will get a suitor. This implies that no man will engage in life lasting relationship with a lady, if he sees her treat others in a way that is not kind or he found out that she derives joy from treating people unkindly. Men generally love ladies that is cool, easy going and soft, to spend quality time with after the hustling and bustling of the day.
4- Let There Be Limit In Your Relationship: I mean in courtship, (ladies) it should not be much of romantic. Emphasis should not be much on sex, because sex is worth waiting for the right time. If a wife serves her husband dinner in the morning, I wonder what she will serve him when the time for dinner eventually comes. Ladies, your body is all you’ve got and so should be guarded with every strength and wisdom you have.
5- Don’t Be Much Religious, Denominational, Sentimental Or Racial: The more of the a fore mentioned you are, as a lady the more the limitations you expose yourself to
How could you as a lady reject a man just because he is not of the same religion,
denomination or race with you? After rejecting your suitors, due to some flimsy
excuses you will still complain, that your Mr. right is not forth coming.If you can't change the situation, change yourself, I mean your mindset. This life is short
to wait too long, think about it.
6- When Mr. Right Is Not Forth Coming, Go For Mr. Potential: There’s nothing
like already made husband, you have a role to play in his life which no lady can
do competitively with you. That Young man is incomplete without you, everything
is not well with him. His problem is that there’s no single (you) in him. Go with him, he has all it takes, the most beautiful city or the strongest economy was
not built in a day. The earlier the better and to delay like the saying goes is dangerous.
7- Never Compare Your Friend's Wedding Ceremony Or Husband with Yours:D0 not compare you suitor with any of your friends husband or expect your wedding to be graced by high dignitaries, when you know that your parents not even any of your relations is a congressman.tell yourself a simple truth, do you want to get married or are you fantasizing what is not obtainable? the time to stop is now. I don't say you should not aim high, but be time conscious.
>>Long Lasting Relationship.
There is nothing like sure formula for a happy relationship. The people in any given relationship determine the future of that relationship. A relationship defines the moral status of the people involved and magnifies not the individual but their shared characteristics. Although there are no single or absolute ingredients that will make a relationship lasting, though there are some rules that will help guide you before engaging in any relationship. These rules are as follows:
1- Relationships are simply unlimited. You must not continue to stay together even if it is taking away the best of your time, to make a happy relationship. A happy relationship is self-nurturing, brings out your best potential and unselfish.It is strongly advised, not treat every relationship as your last hope. Relationships are kept to be enjoyed be enjoyed. Do not sacrifice your future for you relationship.
2- You must understand that you are a person with individuality. Your life must not be dependent on your partner.Relationship made to be shared together and not become the basis of your existence. Be your self and never lose it in the course of the whole relationship. Accept what you believe in and what you value, anything less than that do not accept.
3- Watch your relationship patterns. Do not continue choosing the same kind of people over and over again. Evaluate your past relationships and identify what was wrong, use it as a basis for making choosing your partner. Some qualities may not be right for you. Choose the person wisely, be in love for the right reasons.I mean if you must love, love something that is lovable.
4- Always express your feelings, but this must be in a right way. Developing open communication skills will also better the lots of your relationship. It is one of the way to ensure you do not get into misunderstandings. Be vocal but tactful in expressing your feelings and at the same time be sensitive to your partner's feelings.
5- Keep watch on the signs. True and Fake affection are easy to perceive. If your partner shows signs of not being true, do not be afraid to confront the truth. It might save you weeks, months or even years of misery. This will also help your partner, to adjust his ways if it was done out of misconception.
6- You must also believe that not all relationships last. There will be times when you might encounter a failed relationship, take it with good heart. I mean, Cry and be over with it. Do not over indulge much in your misery but instead move on. Make use the experience and knowledge that you gathered in your past to do better you future relationship.
7- Do not take things for guaranteed, know you responsibilities and rights. This will be a yard stick for measuring or justifying your claim whenever you confront your partner with his suspected infidelity, as the case may be.You must be careful as this does not allow you not to accept you partner's inadequacies.
1- Relationships are simply unlimited. You must not continue to stay together even if it is taking away the best of your time, to make a happy relationship. A happy relationship is self-nurturing, brings out your best potential and unselfish.It is strongly advised, not treat every relationship as your last hope. Relationships are kept to be enjoyed be enjoyed. Do not sacrifice your future for you relationship.
2- You must understand that you are a person with individuality. Your life must not be dependent on your partner.Relationship made to be shared together and not become the basis of your existence. Be your self and never lose it in the course of the whole relationship. Accept what you believe in and what you value, anything less than that do not accept.
3- Watch your relationship patterns. Do not continue choosing the same kind of people over and over again. Evaluate your past relationships and identify what was wrong, use it as a basis for making choosing your partner. Some qualities may not be right for you. Choose the person wisely, be in love for the right reasons.I mean if you must love, love something that is lovable.
4- Always express your feelings, but this must be in a right way. Developing open communication skills will also better the lots of your relationship. It is one of the way to ensure you do not get into misunderstandings. Be vocal but tactful in expressing your feelings and at the same time be sensitive to your partner's feelings.
5- Keep watch on the signs. True and Fake affection are easy to perceive. If your partner shows signs of not being true, do not be afraid to confront the truth. It might save you weeks, months or even years of misery. This will also help your partner, to adjust his ways if it was done out of misconception.
6- You must also believe that not all relationships last. There will be times when you might encounter a failed relationship, take it with good heart. I mean, Cry and be over with it. Do not over indulge much in your misery but instead move on. Make use the experience and knowledge that you gathered in your past to do better you future relationship.
7- Do not take things for guaranteed, know you responsibilities and rights. This will be a yard stick for measuring or justifying your claim whenever you confront your partner with his suspected infidelity, as the case may be.You must be careful as this does not allow you not to accept you partner's inadequacies.
>>What You Must Know Before Marriage.
If you, like many, have a concern about your freedom, but need to move through it to establish a "home", here is some advice aimed at the space-loving creatures who are afraid couple-life might stint their individuality!
As with any couple-decision like moving in together, it is important to discuss your fears with the other party before making a decision. If you're used to having your freedom and to spending time alone, let the other person know. Maybe they're in the same situation. This will go a very long way in strengthening or helping your relationship.
Either way, you need to make it clear that your success as a couple depends on enough space to live your life as you'd like it. I have encountered all sorts of couples - some are together, living in each others laps 24 hours a day. They only see friends together, eat the same things at the same time, watch the same TV shows.
There are other couples who - for example - define certain times to be separate (I mean alone). If you need time to decompress after your day and you don't want someone bothering you the second you come in the door - negotiate it. I know a couple who defines that the guy needs to watch about 1/2 to 1 hour of TV when he gets home and he doesn't like being distracted with questions. With this need established, his girlfriend knows to just leave him alone. With this understanding from the girl it saves the relationship the unnecessary misunderstanding it might spark in their relationship.
In this way, each preserves their interests and individuality. Time at home can be spent each doing his own thing, if that's what you want. Go ahead and discuss with your partner and believe me, the result will be unbelievable.
Otherwise, another strategy can be to pick nights when each of you has activities - sports, friends, family engagements. If it's understood that you do these things separately, then each time he goes out, you get a quiet evening alone.
Living together doesn't mean you're glued to the other person. It's a question of how you manage the situation. In fact, sometimes you can actually gain more freedom this way - gaining the time you once spent ferrying between two apartments.
There is a serious adjustment period when you move in with someone during which time you develop patterns in which each of you is comfortable. It will take a few fights to define who cleans what, who listens to what music when and what volume the TV is. But this is just a phase. If you negotiate intelligently and partner is open to your needs, you'll find a happy medium.
To Start You Must Do These:
1- Present your fears openly. Make sure the other person understands it's not a personal attack on your relationship, but rather a worry about how to keep your individuality. Maybe they're worried too - you don't know until you talk about it.
Your partner is not a mind reader neither are you, to secure your future - talk this differences out.
2- Intelligently set things up so that you won't get claustrophobic. Living with someone takes adjustment - there is compromise and a bit of work at first. But you can come out of this phase with what you want - I am certain of it! It may not be easy at first but it will be O.K, it's just a matter of time.
To conclude, a wise person once said to me, "In life, you don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate." I think this applies very well to this type of situation. Good luck!
As with any couple-decision like moving in together, it is important to discuss your fears with the other party before making a decision. If you're used to having your freedom and to spending time alone, let the other person know. Maybe they're in the same situation. This will go a very long way in strengthening or helping your relationship.
Either way, you need to make it clear that your success as a couple depends on enough space to live your life as you'd like it. I have encountered all sorts of couples - some are together, living in each others laps 24 hours a day. They only see friends together, eat the same things at the same time, watch the same TV shows.
There are other couples who - for example - define certain times to be separate (I mean alone). If you need time to decompress after your day and you don't want someone bothering you the second you come in the door - negotiate it. I know a couple who defines that the guy needs to watch about 1/2 to 1 hour of TV when he gets home and he doesn't like being distracted with questions. With this need established, his girlfriend knows to just leave him alone. With this understanding from the girl it saves the relationship the unnecessary misunderstanding it might spark in their relationship.
In this way, each preserves their interests and individuality. Time at home can be spent each doing his own thing, if that's what you want. Go ahead and discuss with your partner and believe me, the result will be unbelievable.
Otherwise, another strategy can be to pick nights when each of you has activities - sports, friends, family engagements. If it's understood that you do these things separately, then each time he goes out, you get a quiet evening alone.
Living together doesn't mean you're glued to the other person. It's a question of how you manage the situation. In fact, sometimes you can actually gain more freedom this way - gaining the time you once spent ferrying between two apartments.
There is a serious adjustment period when you move in with someone during which time you develop patterns in which each of you is comfortable. It will take a few fights to define who cleans what, who listens to what music when and what volume the TV is. But this is just a phase. If you negotiate intelligently and partner is open to your needs, you'll find a happy medium.
To Start You Must Do These:
1- Present your fears openly. Make sure the other person understands it's not a personal attack on your relationship, but rather a worry about how to keep your individuality. Maybe they're worried too - you don't know until you talk about it.
Your partner is not a mind reader neither are you, to secure your future - talk this differences out.
2- Intelligently set things up so that you won't get claustrophobic. Living with someone takes adjustment - there is compromise and a bit of work at first. But you can come out of this phase with what you want - I am certain of it! It may not be easy at first but it will be O.K, it's just a matter of time.
To conclude, a wise person once said to me, "In life, you don't get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate." I think this applies very well to this type of situation. Good luck!
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